By Jessica Soza
I discovered recently I’m a 3 on the Enneagram personality profile, and a 3’s deepest need is to be the best and achieve things with excellence. I’ve accomplished many things and still felt empty after achieving them. In my career, I won scholarships, pageants, competitions, a degree in Music, a lead role in an International tour, and a Masters degree in theater to someday reach the highest level of professor at a university. Although the Lord has used all of those things for His and my good by bringing me here to BCA, my life was empty while achieving these things without Him. Like most artists I found my identity in my voice; I felt special growing up if I was the best singer, got the lead role or the guy I liked noticed me because of my singing. I realized my entire life depended on feeling loved and being the best at what I did to be seen.
Where does affirmation come from? 3’s struggle with self-worth in their achievements. I knew I was a three when I began doing more research about them and realized my entire life revolved on me becoming the best at whatever I did. That meant I would not even try to do things I wasn’t naturally talented at, like dance. And I LOVE DANCE. But I’ve never allowed myself to fully train in it because I wasn’t the best. If I couldn’t be the best at it why even try. Most performers are 3’s. We live for excellence and success. When you’ve made it to Broadway, won an Oscar or booked a Prime time TV Series, you made it! The question is once you’ve achieved those things then what? How are you loved?
When I laid down my voice and began seeking an intimate relationship with Jesus, I found I was loved regardless of what I do. Most Christians know they are sons and daughters of God and allow themselves to be loved, but as an artist, we constantly have to remember who is the God of our life? Our career? Our achievements? Are we waiting to feel accomplished or successful or happy, when I get married then… when I get on Broadway then… when I get on TV then… What if we lived loved before all these things happened? Then we could enjoy them when and if they ever do but this verse I realized has nothing to do with my desires of achieving greatness while on this earth. But it is truly to allow God to be the desire of my heart, mind and soul. That’s how He can give me the desires of my heart. I am truly complete in Jesus, because I was created to desire Him the most. We all want to people-please, but I desire to train actors and singers that don’t look to please me or people that will hire them for a job. I train my students to delight in God’s presence and release that while performing. I wasn’t happy on tour. I strived for purpose the first year of Grad school. When I truly found my affirmation came from God I have been able to enjoy life more abundantly to rejoice and be glad in it and He gives me the desires of my heart.
Lord Jesus, may we have the revelation and understand we are filled by you. May we realize that in allowing you to love us we are complete and favored. I pray everyone discovers You as God of their life and understand how enough that is for our lives. Thank you, Father God, for loving us so much that all you desire is what we desire, true connection, and true love. All is found in You. In Jesus, name!
“Make God the utmost delight and pleasure of your life, and He will provide for you what you desire the most. Give God the right to direct your life, and as you trust Him along the way you’ll find He pulled it off perfectly.” TPT
“Delight yourself in the Lord, And He will give you the desires and petitions of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him also and He will do it.” AMP
“This is the day the Lord has made we will rejoice and be glad in it.” KJV
“Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” NIV